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The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, by Oliver Burkeman
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For a civilization so fixated on achieving happiness, we seem remarkably incompetent at the task.
Self-help books don’t seem to work. Few of the many advantages of modern life seem capable of lifting our collective mood. Wealth―even if you can get it―doesn’t lead to happiness. Romance, family life and work often seem to bring stress as much as joy. We can’t even agree on what ‘happiness’ means.
So are we engaged in a futile pursuit? Or are we just going about it the wrong way?
In this fascinating audiobook, Oliver Burkeman introduces us to an unusual collection of people―experimental psychologists and Buddhists, terrorism experts, spiritual teachers, philosophers and business consultants―who share a single, surprising way of thinking about life. They argue that in our personal lives, and society at large, it’s precisely our constant effort to be happy that is making us miserable. That "positive thinking" isn’t the solution, but part of the problem. And that there is an alternative, "negative path" to happiness and success that involves embracing failure, pessimism, insecurity and uncertainty―those things we spend our lives trying to avoid.
Thought-provoking, counter-intuitive, and ultimately uplifting, The Antidote is a celebration of the power of negative thinking.
- Published on: 2013-05-28
- Formats: Audiobook, CD, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 6
- Dimensions: 6.50" h x 1.00" w x 7.13" l, .70 pounds
- Running time: 6 Hours
- Binding: Audio CD
Amazon.com Review
Amazon Best Books of the Month, November 2012: The you-can-do-it, life-is-one-big-smiley-face ethos of our contemporary culture has its value: Aggressive positivity helps many triumph over addiction, say, or build previously unimaginable businesses, even win elections and wars. But according to Oliver Burkeman, this relentless pursuit of happiness and success can also make us miserable. Exploring the dark side of the theories put forth by such icons as Norman Vincent Peale and Eckhart Tolle by looking to both ancient philosophy and current business theory, Burkeman--a feature writer for British newspaper The Guardian--offers up the counterintuitive idea that only by embracing and examining failure and loss and unhappiness will we become free of it. So in your next yoga class, try this: breathe deep, think unhappy thoughts--and feel your soul relax. --Sara Nelson
Review
“The Antidote is a gem. Countering a self-help tradition in which “positive thinking” too often takes the place of actual thinking, Oliver Burkeman returns our attention to several of philosophy’s deeper traditions and does so with a light hand and a wry sense of humor. You’ll come away from this book enriched—and yes, even a little happier.” - Daniel Pink, author of Drive and A Whole New Mind
“Does the pursuit of happiness make us miserable? In this elegant and erudite book, Oliver Burkeman explores the riddle of joy in the 21st Century. This book doesn’t set out to make you happy, but that may just be why it works.” - Jonah Lehrer, author of Imagine: How Creativity Works
About the Author
Oliver Burkeman is a feature writer for the Guardian. He is a winner of the Foreign Press Association’s Young Journalist of the Year award, and has been shortlisted for the Orwell Prize. He writes a popular weekly column on psychology, "This Column Will Change Your Life," and has reported from London, Washington and New York.
Most helpful customer reviews
59 of 62 people found the following review helpful.
Not a justification of pessimism, just the opposite
By MichaelInVenice
For those who walk around with a scowl on their face all day and hope to find in this book the secret to being happy while being angry, depressed or forlorn, this books will probably not the mark, because there is no mark to hit.
But if you're just one of those many people out there like myself who's trying to avoid being angry and upset, but who doesn't buy the "be happy and wonderful things will happen to you" mantra, this book will be interesting. I say "interesting" not "enlightening" because it is a surface treatment covering everything from ancient stoicism to Buddhism to modern-day Santa Muerte beliefs and as such can't possibly be deep enough to be enlightening. It does go deep enough to show the common theme running through many beliefs, that happiness is ultimately related to finding a way to be content and productive in the world as it is, without devoting too much of our energy to struggling against it. The book does not suggest that we not try to better ourselves or the world around us, but does make the point that it is the struggle against our condition that is likely to make us unhappy far more than the condition we're in to begin with.
I found this book to be an interesting departure point, suggesting several others that I suspect will be more enlightening, rather than merely interesting.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
The path to serenity via acceptance of uncertainty... and more
By Diana Robinson
An excellent book, particularly for people experiencing "existential angst" (my definition being that they feel depressed and anxious about their lives, the state of the world in general, and their place in it). The author basically examines the belief in positive thinking and the mental denial of failure, and points out the extent to which such beliefs frequently lead do NOT lead to happiness, but to feelings of disappointment and self-blame. He then embarks on an easily read examination of a series of philosophies, philosophers, and research sources to discover how one can more effectively find tranquility by embracing uncertainty and acceptance of what may be - whatever it may be.
The extraordinarily well-read author's path leads us from Seneca and the Stoics, past some disadvantages of goal-setting to Ulrich Tolle and the benefits of insecurity. He pays a rather entertaining visit to a museum dedicated to products that failed in the marketplace, the "survivor bias," and a discussion about the widespread avoidance of thoughts about death. Each of these is a starting point for his very cogent thoughts and research about a specific aspect of the journey on which he is taking the reader.
I must admit to having been somewhat of a convert to the author's philosophy before picking up the book, so that there is some bias here, but I truly believe that most Westerners would benefit greatly from reading this book slowly and thoughtfully. True, there was a point in mid-read when either my mind wandered, or the author did not clearly explain the connection between the current topic and his main line of thought. However, he (or I) returned well before the end and left me extremely glad to have read it.
In his Epilogue, Burkeman uses two expressions with which I was not familiar but which were particularly interesting to me: First, "negative capability," reportedly coined by the poet John Keats who explained it as "when [one] is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason..." Second is a word that may have the same meaning, acceptance of "opensure," which is the opposite of closure. As a counselor and coach I have often thought that if people could end their search for certainty and/or closure they would be much happier, and I am pleased to find a word that describes that state.
The very thoroughly researched text ends with an extensive bibliography, so that the curious can go to sources quite easily.
I recommend Oliver Burkeman's "The Antidote" to just about anyone whose search for certainty, or belief in positive thinking as the path to happiness, have not actually led them to the tranquility that they seek. That would probably be most people.
196 of 211 people found the following review helpful.
Debby Downer was on to something.
By Dustin G. Rhodes
I am a sucker. Feature a writer on National Public Radio, and the interview is mildly entertaining, I will buy the book. I will also probably read it -- the only question remaining: will I actually like it?
The Antidote, for sure, is personally fascinating. I abhor positive thinking, gravitating instead toward reality. But I didn't come by this easily. In my early 20's, I became obsessed with all manner of self help, positive thinking and new age spirituality. I devoured (embarrassing) self help books, feeling temporarily inspired by them while making feeble attempts to put the words into practice. Inevitably, I'd feel like a failure for not being able to be perfect -- or even slightly "better" than I was before; I'd feel consumed with anger and resentment, too, that my problems didn't magically go away; that life wasn't easier. It took me a LONG TIME to realize that my faux spirituality was primarily the cause of my dissatisfaction and pain.
My actual problems were far less annoying than the books I was reading to solve them.
I wish I'd read The Antidote 15 years ago.
The Antidote travels familiar -- to me, a junkie, at least -- terrain. If you've ever read a book on buddhism (through a pop culture lens), for instance, much of this won't be new: accept life as it is. But the context will; the author blends storytelling, cutting edge research, personal anecdote and wry humor into this compelling case for what he refers to as the negative path; the wisdom of the Stoics as a sane approach to life.
I am torn as to how many stars to offer; for whatever reason, I wasn't in love with the book as a whole. The author is certainly a talented writer, but I felt like the book went on and on. And on. This kind of thing, yes, is highly subjective, so take it with a grain of salt. To me, this book would have been a lot better had it been a lot shorter. I often feel this way about non-fiction books -- that there's a quota to fill. What's wrong with lean and mean?
(OK, OK: the book is not actually that long, so maybe it's my attention span).
It also bears mentioning that reading The Antidote is not actually the antidote for, really, anything: you actually have to live -- which means accepting that life is hard and messy and sometimes ugly and awful; it means not constantly trying to escape it.
But if you're obsessed with The Secret, then you need this book. The Secret will not-so-secretly let you down, again and again. The Antidote contains actual valuable advice: there are no shortcuts, magical thinking is useless and, my favorite: a little negativity will make us happier.
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